the time is near

The time is coming for many things... yes be ready says the Lord.

For one- I'm coming home in a little less than 3 weeks now! wowzers!! I cannot believe how soon this is coming. I am greatly looking forward to being home again, to be able to drive myself places, to see my family and friends. At the very same time, however, I am really sad to leave this place... This place I have grown so much, I have developed not only in my faith, and in the way of ministry, but just in life in general I have grown and changed. I am sad to leave these people I have grown to understand a little more and to love so deeply. I'm sad to leave this church that has become so dear to my heart- one church that I was blessed to be fully involved in for 6 months, without going to other churches and only missing sunday services for either being on Kids Church or being away on holiday. This church that I struggled with at the beginning and have dealt with it and grown to a deep appreciation and love of the heart. I'm sad to leave the streets and the gorgeous rolling hills off in the distance, the commonality of taking trains and buses to get places- and them actually being quite nice trains and buses.
Im also nervous to come home, I'm afraid that people will expect me to be the same person I was and like the new me less. I'm afraid that I will fall back into the trap of who I was before and forget the things I learned while here. I'm afraid that this great independance I thrive on will be cut off as I go back to living in a dorm and at home (though I am so excited about both places). I'm afraid that no one else will understand the awesome lessons that the Lord has taught me. I'm afraid that if all these things happen I will feel very alone again- even though I know I'm never alone.

I'm excited for the gathering of my families and reconnecting with them, I'm excited to get back to HU campus and living amongst my friends again. It's freaky to think, though, that it will only be for five more months and then everything will change again. The time is coming for me to graduate college and move on to do something with my life... something of financial purpose as well as Kingdom purpose. I'm excited to see what God has laid out for me... but I've felt a change of paths since I've been here... and so I'm in the midst of sorting out what exactly God has for me. It's a time that is exciting and scary... where I'm waiting for the cue from God but I'm looking at the time when I'll need to know approaching awfully quickly... But I know that God's timing is perfect and He alone will show me His ways in His time. I have seen God move in too many ways not to trust in Him to bring about all things in a way that will be best for me.


The other meaning of the phrase "the time is near" is in reference to the second coming of Jesus Christ the Lord. I'm currently listening to a sermon by Pastor Jeff Wright (of Green Pastures) and it is being more and more confirmed in the last couple years that the time is indeed near. Jesus is coming soon- in our life-time. Be ready for Him, for He will come like a thief in the night... do not be caught sleeping.... the signs of the times are all around us. I'm actually not trying to sound cliche or to say things just because everyone else says He is coming soon. Instead I'm saying these things because i actually used to be someone who would've said "Every generation thinks THEY are the generation when Jesus will arrive..." I now say that I do genuinely think that it is coming... I don't know the day or the hour, and I don't care... I just know that He is coming, He's coming soon... and We need to be ready!!!

You're the only hope for this heart

So my last post was like two days ago... but get over it :)
Recently I have had some friends here really struggling with situations in their lives, struggling to lean on God and to move beyond their circumstances to see His light and His plan. I understand totally where they're coming from, I've certainly been there myself... but my heart breaks for them and I just want to help them, but we as friends can only do so much for those who are hurting... when it comes right down to it, all they need and the only One who can help is God and only He knows the best way to reach them. So I've found this song... its an amazing song, by a group called Fee and this song is on their album titled Hope Rising. The song is called Everything Falls and here are the lyrics for you, powerful truth searched and discovered by those who have been through life's troubles:

You said You’d never leave or forsake me, when You said this life is shake me. You said this world is gonna bring trouble on my soul. This I know.

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together. When everything falls apart You’re the only hope for this heart. When everything falls apart and my strength is gone, I find You mighty and strong. You keep holding on, You keep holding on.

When I see darkness all around me, when I see tragedy has found me, I still believe. Your faithful arms will never let me go. Still I know

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together. When everything falls apart You’re the only hope for this heart. When everything falls apart and my strength is gone, I find You mighty and strong. You keep holding on, You keep holding on.

Sorrow will last for the night, but hope is rising with the sun, it’s rising with the sun. There will be storms in this life, but I know You have overcome, You have overcome

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together. When everything falls apart You’re the only hope for this heart. When everything falls apart and my strength is gone, I find You mighty and strong. You keep holding on

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together. When everything falls apart You’re the only hope for this heart. When everything falls apart and my strength is gone, I find You mighty and strong. You keep holding on, You keep holding on.

Our God is good... I don't understand much of it... I can't explain why or how He's not to blame for the struggles, and yet He's teaching you through them and He's going to bring you out of them if you'll let Him... God doesn't want you to be in pain, He loves you so much and wants what's best for you.

There are apparently 39 Amber Wolf's in the world.

Yes... I may have gotten my post title from a quiz on Facebook... get over it :)

Well, I have hit and passed my 30 day mark... I am now somewhere in the 20's on my "countdown" which I'm trying not to keep track of... but I must admit, I am really excited to get home.

However I'm also real sad to leave, especially as the month of November is looking like it's going to be a really awesome month. During October I faced many hardships that made me so much more anxious to go home. I was sick with the flu for a week, I lost my closest friend here, didn't get used to my greatest extent, over stressed about homework- yet didn't get much done, and many other things that made nearly every day a big struggle to get through. Through it all though, I know God was using me and my circumstances because there were many times that I felt the presence of God in the littlest of ways. There were younger girls reaching out because they needed love, there were other youth members seeking wisdom and advice and God needed willing hearts as His vessels. It's amazing how usually in the times that you least want to be somewhere- if you go that's when God uses you the most.

November is looking to be really busy as well, but in a very good way! I've started on the street reach team (as I said in my last post) and thats every Tuesday evening and it's brilliant! Also, every fort night on a Wednesday (that means every other Wed) the older youth have what we call Life Support to talk through real life issues and to pray for each, to build up a place of trust and safety for the issues that so many of our youth have been going through. Recently I've felt it heavy on my heart that a lot of our youth are already Christians- but they're still going through really hard times, and thus sometimes they have a hard time relating to someone's amazing testimony of how God brought them from their pits and so they gave their life to Christ. Well my story- all my hard things have happened since being a Christian, and I was talking to another leader about this and so now, in a fort night I will be sharing my story and giving a little word to the youth and I'm looking forward to it because I know God is going to move through it as He always does :)

I have also started to shadow our kids pastor for the week- so that the rest of my time here can have more structure and so that I can be better used to my full extent. So I'm really excited and glad about this. My focus isn't neccessarily on youth anymore, but my experience will be so much more beneficial and I'll still be working with the youth on a friday night.

Anyways, thats just a little update for yas! I hope and pray you all are keepin well! I am greatly looking forward to returning home and seeing all your lovely faces!! And for big hugs!! :) God bless you all friends!

The reality of demons, and the POWER of GOD.

Well, tonight (Tuesday 27th) I shall just update you on what my evening consisted of. This evening I joined the ministry of Street Reach, to this village in the area. This village is quite well known for being rough and such. The first home we visited had a nice homey feel. The main woman was a Christian and so we and a few of her adult children had a good wee chat for a bit, a younger girl was in there as well, and she and I chatted for a while as well. The views held by the main woman's son were quite interesting, but we felt it wasn't quite the time and place to put him to the questions, so we moved on. The next house we were on our way to left my leader with an uneasy feeling, so she asked me and the other woman to pray as we walked. We just prayed that the spirit of the Lord would be with us and guide us and protect us. When we arrived at the back door, we were waiting for her to come, the smell of alcohol was quite overwhelming... The main woman called her to let her know we were at the back door, when she came to let us in, she was just in her dressin gown... not tied, nearly fully exposed. We went into her front room, which was dark, but she'd said she didn't want the light on. Then she received a phone call and started cryin before she even answered, the other two women told her to turn off her phone and not answer it, but she did anyway. While she was on the phone we turned on the lights, unplugged the TV and cleaned up the front room, throwing out the empty Cider (alcohol) container and other rubbish. When she was off we all sat and talked, we talked for a really long time, about many things, her kids, how she's still gettin a beating from this guy, the court orders, pressing charges, why she was drinking... etc. Then there was a point when we realized the lies that were being twisted in her head... She said God loves me and God forgives all sins, so many times it was like she actually didn't hear anything we were saying... we realized she was planning to commit suicide, so she could go be with God. So, the main woman called her husband who was just finishing up where he'd been visiting in the area, he started to head over to the home we were in. There was a long time of more conversation, talking about the desires and plans God has for her, and the He wants her to stay here so her kids can know the love of God too. It was really rough going for a while, I was nervous about us leaving at any point for fear that she'd take action to it tonight. I knew that God brought us to her home tonight for this very reason. After a real long time, we decided to pray before we left... we sat in an atmosphere of prayer and seeking the presence of the Lord... one woman started to hum a little, i joined just a little as we prayed. Then suddenly the main man asked me if I sang, I didn't even really think I just said yes then he told me to just sing something. At first I was like, ummmmmmm okay. But then felt that From the Inside Out would be a really good song, plus its my favorite. Started to sing it and as the lyrics poured out, I knew that this could only have been of God. When I finished the song, he said to sing another, and I actually couldn't think of another song (and HOW many songs do I know?!) but thus we decided to just sing Inside Out again. God was really moving through those lyrics. Afterwards, we prayed out loud a bit together, then the woman of the house asked me to sing the song again, for she said it was bringing about peace to her. So we sang it again... but the end we all knew God was so very present in that room, calming her fear and her spirit, speaking the truth to her. After that you could tell again that she was starting to be overcome by the devil, but we spoke it out of her.... told her to trust the LORD and to not believe the lies she was hearing in her head... we had her hold her bible and repeat phrases such as "this is my bible, the bible is the Word of God, the bible is truth. I believe the things my bible says. I can do what the bible says I can do, I can have what the bible tells me I can have. i can have peace." etc, We left knowing she was in a much better state of mind than before, and the credit goes all to the Lord.... He worked it out that a child of His was saved from the lies of the evil one tonight... it was amazing. This song is now in my head: "And unto the Lamb who sits on the throne, be glory and honor and praise, all of creation resounds with a song, worship and praise HIM, the Lord of Lords..."

Okay, so that was my night... my day was really good as well, working with the senior citizens who came to Vinyard, talking to them today was proving fruitful and so that was good. I also got to talk to my mentor today for a good while so that was nice. God is working in crazy ways here... I actually can't believe that I only have 5 weeks left... its been going soo fast, I honestly don't even know where the month of October disappeared too... like wow. It's nearly October!! Anyways... thats my update for you... see how they're becoming more frequent again? It's because I've been working hard on the learning journal for PRIME... and have decided I should've kept this more up to date... the months of August and September are quite difficult to account for ;)

Grace and Peace and blessings to you dear friends.

The Paradox Continues

Okay... we all know this topic I'm about to mention, and we know what everyone says about it. The balance between caring for others and caring for yourself is essential. Please don't prepare a response to this post until it is completely finished because I am fully aware of people's opinions on my stance with this subject. Ever since this was a topic discussed in my life, I have greatly struggled with it. I cannot fully describe why, but the thought of choosing not to help someone so that I may better care for myself- has always deeply troubled me. This is not to say that I am in anyway better than anyone else... many would argue that this makes me on a lower level than most, but I don't care about that. I have always been willing to sacrafice sleep, a meal time, homework time (which then leads to lack of sleep), fun time or other things along those lines so that I can give of my time to someone in need. I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times I have been cautioned in my caring for those around me. I'm going to get walked all over, trampled like a doormat, taken advantage of, run down, burnt out... etc. Well, I will tell you, I have gotten walked on, taken advantage of, and been burnt out a little as well. People have told me- you'll be no good to anyone if you're in the low, if you're fatigued, if you're dry... and yes, there are certainly times when you have to be taken care of- that I cannot deny. What my thoughts are- in the times you are the lowest, when you feel like falling asleep in the middle of the noisiest room full of kids, when you don't know what the heck God is doing in your life... these are the times that can have the greatest impact on both yourself and those around you. I have had the best conversations with people in the times that I have felt the worst.

The other night... I was going on a 10 hour day with only having 2 hours of sleep, the youth gathering was talking about self harm that night... a heavy subject, there was nearly 25 mins of complete and total silence after the 'program' was over... Afterwards we were encouraged to talk to the people around us... I sat on the sofa for awhile, no one was at that point in time beside me... and I was so tired, but so weighed down by the burdens hovering in that room. Then I noticed a kid of 15 sitting by himself, I know he's a Christian, he's a regular in the church and youth group, a really great guy, but always has sort of been a loner. I've struck up many a conversation before and lasted at most 10 minutes, but yet him sitting alone at this time struck me as very not okay, as there was a group sitting so close to him praying over another young person- he sat with his head down. I walked over, took a seat and said "well that was intense". In my tiredness I knew I had to start somewhere. After a few more moments of silence, I asked him if he'd ever self harmed, and from there we had such a good conversation. He told me of how he just doesn't know who to really talk to anymore, it's only to the glory of God that he hasn't harmed himself in ages... but sometimes he has a hard time not getting back into it.

Something I have learned in my time here, something that I didn't even realize until tonight, just now as I was writing this, pieces were put together in my head. The people here are so so scared of a close and intimate friendship, the kind where you can trust the person with anything, you know you can go to that person when you need them and that person will come to you when they need it too. I know many of you who are reading this now are thinking- America is the same... well, on some levels yes, Americans too can be so afraid of a close intimate relationship, however there is something within us that craves it, more so than our fear, and so we search for it in all the wrong places... here, its almost as if their fear of it is stronger than their desire for it. It explains why there are people who will suddenly seem like they aren't your friend anymore, it explains why there are more broken homes than there are whole homes...

Why then does the "paradox continue" you may ask. For it seems that I am set in my thoughts. Well I am, but I, too, have discovered the gift of time to yourself, a moment of peace and quite can be a most refreshing gift, a booster to keep you going that much further. I have found that I love getting a little bit of time off to focus my thoughts, focus on where God is in my heart and in my life. This is taking care of me... but I do not seek out these times, and I will readily cut them short for someone in need of a friend. God will provide you with the time and the essentials you need... if you let HIM, and trust HIM to keep you going when it gets tough.

All this to say that tonight as I sit here, I know even more that God uses me most when I am in a place that I have given of myself for someone else.... because I believe that if I am to truly give all I am and all I can to HIM and the people HE loves... HE will no doubt take care of me when I am in need... and HE has yet to let me down. So you can tell me all you want that I need to take care of myself... my reply? Don't worry- HE's got it under control.

It's October

So, it is now October 13th and I realized that I have yet to write a blog post in the month of October!! I'm sorry my posts have lessened as time has gone on... Especially since so much has been going on! However I did just want to tell you about a few things I've been learning!

Today we had Vinyard, its the senior citizen ministry that meets every Tuesday. Afterwards all the volunteers stay after and clean up, putting away tables and chairs, clean the kitchen etc. Well today as I was saying good-bye to the last of the seniors leaving a woman from the church brought in this man and asked if it was alright to have him wait here for about 30mins until Peter (another man in the church) came to pick him up, I said sure and I went to get him a cup of tea while he was waiting, when I brought it to him I didn't want to leave him just sitting there by himself. So I asked him his name and then he started telling me all about himself, how he has a wife and two kids, they're from Slovakia but have lived here for 2 years, but now he is unemployed and if he can't get a job soon he will have to go back home. It was really hard to understand all he was saying, but I could tell he just wanted someone to listen, so I sat and listened, intently trying to get every word he said. He talked of how it was difficult but in and through it all he knew that GOD is good and that HE would bring about the best. He's been around preaching in the streets of his home country as well as to the people he meets here as he's been learning english. What got me about this man was that all I did was ask him his name... and he so willingly shared his life with me, and gave all the credit to the Lord. We only spoke for maybe 10 minutes before his ride came and I went back to cleaning the kitchen, but it was 10 minutes to see just how God is using others, in different countries that I honestly know nothing about, but this man has been a Christian for 25 years, and he has been telling others about the goodness of God every where he goes... amazing.

Today I also was able to sit and chat with a couple other volunteers for nearly an hour about God, and how He works, and times of doubt and the power of the Holy Spirit in conviction, and it was just really cool to be involved in that conversation. I saw childlike faith, but not in the way where they simply believe blindly whatever they are told, but that they don't worry about the finer details of God that we can never fully know, they are content to be happy in HIM and come to HIM with the faith of a child trusting in their daddy. That's what Jesus said we should be like.

God is amazing. God is good. God is real. God is love. There is so much in this world that distracts us from Him. I don't want to be that way anymore, I don't want to be distracted.

prayers

I have started this blog four times now and have erased it because I can't figure out what I want to portray to you all today... I've left what I did have overnight in hopes that when I come back to it I'll have something brilliant to share with you. Well, in all of this I've only discovered that it has simply delayed getting you updated on things here in Northern Ireland. So I think now I can put things into words for you :) Things are getting all started up here finally and by the end of next week I believe everything that I will be involved in will have started. The youth has been meeting now for about 5 weeks on a Friday night, and it has been fantastic. There are many other things the youth leaders have been planning and I thought I was going to be involved in but the time for those things to start will most likely be after I have left, which is good for the youngness of this group. They want to make sure they have a good foundation before pouring out too much, and i support that. Other things I'm involved in include Vinyard- the church's senior citizen ministry. They meet on Tuesdays and provide a meal, each Tuesday is something different and sadly I've only been to one so far but I really enjoyed getting to talk to some seniors in the community. Another thing I'm involved in meets every Thursday morning and that's called Noah's Ark. It's a time for mothers of newborns-toddlers can come with their baby and have a time of fellowship with one another, we provide a bazillion toys for the little ones and there is also a time for tea/coffee and some biscuits or scones :) I have also only really been to one of those but I absolutely loved it, the moms were fun to get to know and who doesn't love playing with little ones? Another ministry will be meeting on Friday afternoons and this will start on the 9th, its called Link and is for Primary school kids (aged 7 to 11) We've been having planning meetings for it the past few weeks and it sounds like its gonna be great, a learning process, but great nonetheless. There will be a girly corner where they can get their nails done, there will be tons of video gaming stations, pool tables, foosball, table tennis, and a DVD cartoon for them to watch while eating a snack, everything is optional for them they don't have to do anything but play video games if they don't want, but there will also be a time in the middle for a testimony or a short word from one of the leaders. I'm really looking forward to this event. So basically I'm going to be fairly busy once I get back on my feet and everything is going!

Today is the first day of October... that's really scary- I only have 61 days left here in Northern Ireland. That's not a whole lot of time! Especially since I've practically sat this entire week out on a lazy boy or in my bed. Yep... I got sick... I learned something: if you let yourself get so stressed out or upset about something in your life, you become a lot more susceptible to getting the flu. I am a little bit better today, but still not good.

However this time has been helpful for me to really lean on God and fight some of the devils lies. You see these days have also been very lonely for me, because i haven't really talked to anyone throughout the day. I did get to talk to some really great people back home, but only one person here has really talked to me (until yesterday when i tried going into work...) but its been hard not have heard from certain people, but through all of it, God is here, God is always faithful, He never lets us down, even when we screw up BIG time, and make mistakes that bring about pain to people we love the most, God is still there, He still loves, still wants the best for His children. God does not want us to be in pain. Yes, we say everything happens for a reason or a purpose, but I think that God can make that true. He doesn't bring about the pain to teach you a lesson. James 1:13 says that God does not tempt us. He does not put us in places that hurt us, but when we get ourselves there, God does what only He can do and brings about something beautiful and glorious and if we allow Him, He'll bring healing to the hurt and the pain. God's love is beautiful, nothing on this earth can compare. And that's my heart that I wanted to share with you today. I've been learning the hard way, but I know that God didn't want us to be in pain, our sins are covered in His blood, turn unto HIM and He will show you His heart.